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Travel Jokes and Humor
from www.qwotz.us, your international medical insurance source
Top Signs You Are On A Cheap Flight
As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is frowning and
wearing an "I'm with Stupid" T-Shirt.
The Captain announces over the intercom the Flight is delayed while
he looks for his keys.
The Airline mechanics, wearing propeller beanies, seem to be
pointing and laughing an awful lot, and drinking something from
inside brown paper bags.
The Ground Crew are seen using pennies to check tire wear
A man with an oily rag hanging from the back pocket of his dirty
coveralls, and sadly shaking his head, turns out to be the
airline's C.E.O.
A voice on P.A. system warns you to keep your heads and arms inside
the aircraft at all times, while the plane is in motion.
The air sickness bags have the Lord's Prayer printed on them.
Jumper Cables are dangling from the door to the cockpit.
A man in clerical garb walks thru the plane, sprinkles all the
passengers with water, mumbling something in Latin & exits.
A telephone with a really long cord connects the plane to the
control tower.
The German Tourist In New York
A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and
orders a
beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually
does serve
beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives
him the
jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!" The German
fellow felt
pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a
surprised look,
and begins to chuckle.
"And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands.
"Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the
food."
New York Taxi Driver
An Englishwoman and her young son were travelling in a taxi in
New York. As they were driving through a rather seedy looking part
of town, the boy became fascinated by the garishly made up women in
short skirts and high heels who seemed to be accosting some of the
men passing by.
"Mummy" the boy asked, "what are those ladies doing?"
The mother, clearly embarrassed by the question, replied: "I expect
they're lost and are asking people for directions"
The taxi driver overhead this and interrupted: "why not tell me boy
the truth, those women are prostitutes."
The mother blushed more brightly at this remark but the boy
wouldn't let it go:
"What are prostitutes Mummy, are they like other women, do they
have children too?"
"Of course" the mother replied, "that's where New York taxi drivers
come from."
The Blarney Stone
A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in
the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The
bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It's too hot.
It's
too cold. The accommodations are awful.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
"Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the
Blarney Stone,"the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being
cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we
can come back tomorrow."
"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We
have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss
the stupid stone."
"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone
who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."
"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.
"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."
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